Million Miles Away

Do You feel like God is a million miles away?

When I was young and in college, I had a hard time feeling like God was near to me. In fact, I struggled long and hard with this for many years to come… But this is one story, probably the first story, of how God began to heal me.

I had been studying for some paper I was writing, and stumbled on something about how our earthly fathers affects the way we view our Heavenly Father. At the time, my parents had just gotten through a messy divorce and I hadn’t lived with my Dad in many years. We were not very close, and he was not great at reaching out and talking and certainly not about the deep things in life. Though I will say, I was also not great at reaching out and sharing my heart either. But the distance between us … did seem to correlate to how I was feeling  about the Lord… He seemed a million miles away. 

So one Sunday morning I was finally so sick of my state of depression, I decided to skip church and make God speak to me again. (it was indeed arrogant I know now, but God is gracious when we seek HIm, even if we are behaving immaturely!) I dragged my comforter off my college bed out onto the lawn, and snatched up my Bible and a book I was reading, Practicing The Presence by Brother Lawrence, and I snuggled down on that chilly afternoon to wait. I determined that I would not leave that spot until God spoke to me! I read the Bible, and read some more. But nothing. No revelation, no insight, nothing. So I picked up my book and put my eyes on the page when I heard a voice cut across my thoughts. The voice said, “Look up into the sky.” I thought it was super weird, and ignored the idea, so I kept on reading. Then in another few minutes, I heard it again, “Look up into the sky.” Again this voice cut across my thoughts… and though it did seem awfully weird, this time I did what the voice asked. 

I looked up…. And there was a rainbow shining around the sun in a perfect circle above me. 

And suddenly, the voice spoke again, and declared, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”

I was blown away. God indeed spoke. But in a way I had NEVER experienced Him before. And even though I knew I was being a sulky demanding child, I heard His voice speak to me, as If He was sitting right next to me but even closer. And on top of that He had given me a gift! My very own rainbow that circled the sun, sealing His words with a visually stunning reminder that He keeps His promises! 

I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt like God answered prayers I didn’t even know how to articulate. He spoke to deep core struggles that came from my relationship to my father that I didn’t even understand at the time. He healed some of my brokenness in that moment with just a few words and a rainbow. He let me know that HE is my Father. 

So the question is … are you feeling like God is a million miles away and doesn’t care about you? That He doesn’t see you? Doesn’t hear you? Perhaps you need to STOP, get a little crazy, and sit with the Lord and cry out and then wait for Him to answer. Perhaps you need to be a little more bold and determined. Perhaps you need to break out of your normal…

Try it … you have nothing to lose, right? 

Hey and if you need help along your journey with the Lord, I am here for you. Just click through and arrange a time for us to get together, then you can have a trusted person alongside you to keep pointing you to Jesus when you get lost. We all need that. Really that’s true. We all need help…